Well, here we are again, my friends--I realize it's been a few days since my last post, mostly a combination of lots of activity & no real topic or thoughts of interest (to me, anyway) popping into the cavernous space that is my head--but I do have a few bits of rumination to touch on, so here goes:
One of the Beatles' most famous & enduring (as well as endearing) songs is LET IT BE--I've come to understand that the 1st verse of that timeless tune relates to me more than I ever thought it would; having obviously found my soul mate in my wife, Mary Kay, I've been thinking lately that I wouldn't be where I am in my lfe as far as having someone who is always there for me no matter what life throws at me (or us) without her; of course, one of the main parts of the wedding vows that most everyone takes is "for better or for worse, in sickness & in health"--having a routine check-up with my doctor today, now that we're back on regular benefits & coverage after a few months of idling without it, got me to thinking that after going back to my old doctor & starting up with a slew of new ones as of last October, having several heart procedures since then (with no real symptoms of such preceding them), being back on regular meds, taking more of them than ever for my various conditions, I continue to make progress in most areas, better in some than others, but overall, I'm doing OK (considering that before 10 months ago, I hadn't been on regular meds, hadn't yet changed my diet, wasn't exercising the way I am now, etc.)--but anyone who knows me well, knows that "letting it be" is not my strong suit--I should be supremely thankful that I'm alive, thankful for what I have (my wife, my family & friends, my adorable little pup; yes,a job I don't love, but in this economy, a job just the same, food on the table & a roof over my head) & I make posts on Facebook that so many other people have it so much worse than I do & I'm grateful, etc.--so why then am I not always as grateful & thankful as I should be?? Do I really appreciate the good things in my life? Why do I still complain about things or always "sweat the small stuff" as the saying goes? I truly do have it better than a lot of people in this world--sure, many of the day-to-day annoyances & problems I have are ones that everyone has these days: we all want to make more $$$, pay our bills, provide for our loved ones as best we can, get that better job, that better apartment or try to buy a house, whatever the case may be--why do I not let myself be as happy as others seem to think I am--so many people tell me my wife & I are such a great couple & we are perfect together & that we are so lucky to have found each other; I believe all that myself, but why then do I take my wife, my lover, my best friend for granted??
"When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me--speaking words of wisdom, Let It Be--and in my hour of darkness, she is standing right in front of me--speaking words of wisdom, Let It Be..."
I know married couples, no matter how happy they are, will bicker, argue, fight over big things, but most times, over a million little things that could be avoided--I guess I feel sometimes that getting married so late in life, we were more "battle-tested" & should have been more equipped to deal with all of life's little potholes & minefields--I guess I thought I'd make a better husband to the person I finally decided to share my life with--I never was the easiest person to be with in a relationship, after being lousy at it in my youth, but overall, I became a better partner, or so I thought as I got older--trying to not sweat the small stuff & get through life on your own is one thing; when another person is involved, it's a whole new ballgame--I'm a better person in some ways because of my wife, but I'm still lacking (as far as I'm concerned) in others; when, if ever, does it get easier?? I know she loves me & I love her more than life itself--learning to let go, as it were, would go a long way towards us having a better relationship in all aspects of our lives--but is it all just a form of "continuing education"? Like the line from the John Lennon song goes (and I quote it all the time), "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans"---I guess I just have to realize it's all a "Long and Winding Road" and just do my best to "Let It Be".
In keeping with the music theme, Life: What a long Strange trip it's been....and still is. We learn and we move forward , we love and move forward and when we move forward we pray that those we love and especially our chosen mates understand us. As one who got married later in life I found that it was not as easy as I thought since I was quite cimfortable in my world, but as time goes by I find I am also happy in my chosen life. Yes we have it better than many people but we want more and thre is nothing wring with that. It was the wanting more that brought us to where we are now. You know the song, "You always hurt the one you love" Maybe it's because we know they will always forgive us. I wouldn't stress it too much, you are in a good place Steve, with a woman who loves you dearly and friends who do too. Keep wanting more and you will get it, the Stones said it best: You can't alwasy get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you find, you get what you need!! peace my friend
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