God Only Knows...

Hello, all--well, quick post-Irene update: we were very fortunate that we sustained no damage to the house we live in, although our landlord's son got some flooding in his basement apartment (karma's a bitch!! I know, I know, be nice--those of you in the loop will understand LOL)--the neighborhood was a mess of leaves & branches, twigs, etc.--a friend who lives not far from here (& only a few blocks from my old house) did have a treet fall on his house, causing significant damage to the roof, gutters & top of his chimney (he & his family are OK) & many of my friends in the tri-stae area had either no power, flooding or both, so again, we were very fortunate--but like many of you I'm sure, this gets me thinking about the age-old theory of how there can be a God of any kind if all the terrible things that happen, the hurricanes, earthquakes, tornados, floods, tsunamis, etc. & all they leave in their wake, keep occurring & have been occuring forever (not to mention the ravages of war, the senseless death & destruction throughout the world on a daily basis--well if not, then it just seems so)--all this also rattles around in my head (as I also mentioned in my previous post) as we inch closer to the upcoming 10th anniversary (& I just hate attaching that phrase to something of this magnitude) of 9/11, which is another whole discussion in itself how any God would let this happen (but then again, it's the "gods" of the people responsible who directed them to attack us & punish us, is it not??)--I realize I'm just blathering on as so many do on this topic, & who am I to offer any thought or opinion on the subject, but I grew up & was raised Catholic (baptism, religious instruction, communion, confirmation, church youth & folk groups & Church day camps (as an attendee in my youth, then helping to run them), Catholic high school, some of my college career @ a Catholic university, married in the church, yada yada yada)--full disclosure: my Catholicism has waned significantly all these years later due mainly to my disillusionment with the Church as a whole (I've always been interested in many different forms of worship & the teachings thereof; when I lived for 4 years in Florida in my teens, I had more Jewish friends than not, & actually was more in touch with my Jewish half, attending many seders & countless bar & bat mitzvahs, & even accompanying my best friend @ the time to many of his lessons before his own bar mitzvah), but I, like so many before me, wrestle with this on a daily basis; I even felt like a hypocrite @ my own wedding, standing before God to bless my union to my wife (like a lot of people, attending any sort of occasions that involve the Church was my main form of church-going)--I don't know if I will resolve my own issues on the subject before my time is through, so how can I dare to ponder the issue in reference to anyone or anything else?? Like the King of Siam famously said: "It is a PUZZLEMENT!!" I would love to believe in Heaven like I was taught, & that all the good people end up there; I have not, however always been a good person (& not always convinced I'm as much of one these days as I'd like to be), & don't know if to this day, I am even deserving of a place up there & not a one-way ticket down THERE instead (I always joke that, like the line from the Grateful Dead song, "I may be going to Hell in a bucket, but at least I'm enjoying the ride!!" LOL)--this may just be one of those on-going personal dilemmas that never fully gets resolved & just something that is a continuing work-in-progress of a life-lesson (or to paraphrase George Carlin, I may just be "full of sh#t and f&#king nuts"!!---on that note, I think it's time I put this one & myself to bed--sweet dreams, boys & girls :)