God Only Knows...

Hello, all--well, quick post-Irene update: we were very fortunate that we sustained no damage to the house we live in, although our landlord's son got some flooding in his basement apartment (karma's a bitch!! I know, I know, be nice--those of you in the loop will understand LOL)--the neighborhood was a mess of leaves & branches, twigs, etc.--a friend who lives not far from here (& only a few blocks from my old house) did have a treet fall on his house, causing significant damage to the roof, gutters & top of his chimney (he & his family are OK) & many of my friends in the tri-stae area had either no power, flooding or both, so again, we were very fortunate--but like many of you I'm sure, this gets me thinking about the age-old theory of how there can be a God of any kind if all the terrible things that happen, the hurricanes, earthquakes, tornados, floods, tsunamis, etc. & all they leave in their wake, keep occurring & have been occuring forever (not to mention the ravages of war, the senseless death & destruction throughout the world on a daily basis--well if not, then it just seems so)--all this also rattles around in my head (as I also mentioned in my previous post) as we inch closer to the upcoming 10th anniversary (& I just hate attaching that phrase to something of this magnitude) of 9/11, which is another whole discussion in itself how any God would let this happen (but then again, it's the "gods" of the people responsible who directed them to attack us & punish us, is it not??)--I realize I'm just blathering on as so many do on this topic, & who am I to offer any thought or opinion on the subject, but I grew up & was raised Catholic (baptism, religious instruction, communion, confirmation, church youth & folk groups & Church day camps (as an attendee in my youth, then helping to run them), Catholic high school, some of my college career @ a Catholic university, married in the church, yada yada yada)--full disclosure: my Catholicism has waned significantly all these years later due mainly to my disillusionment with the Church as a whole (I've always been interested in many different forms of worship & the teachings thereof; when I lived for 4 years in Florida in my teens, I had more Jewish friends than not, & actually was more in touch with my Jewish half, attending many seders & countless bar & bat mitzvahs, & even accompanying my best friend @ the time to many of his lessons before his own bar mitzvah), but I, like so many before me, wrestle with this on a daily basis; I even felt like a hypocrite @ my own wedding, standing before God to bless my union to my wife (like a lot of people, attending any sort of occasions that involve the Church was my main form of church-going)--I don't know if I will resolve my own issues on the subject before my time is through, so how can I dare to ponder the issue in reference to anyone or anything else?? Like the King of Siam famously said: "It is a PUZZLEMENT!!" I would love to believe in Heaven like I was taught, & that all the good people end up there; I have not, however always been a good person (& not always convinced I'm as much of one these days as I'd like to be), & don't know if to this day, I am even deserving of a place up there & not a one-way ticket down THERE instead (I always joke that, like the line from the Grateful Dead song, "I may be going to Hell in a bucket, but at least I'm enjoying the ride!!" LOL)--this may just be one of those on-going personal dilemmas that never fully gets resolved & just something that is a continuing work-in-progress of a life-lesson (or to paraphrase George Carlin, I may just be "full of sh#t and f&#king nuts"!!---on that note, I think it's time I put this one & myself to bed--sweet dreams, boys & girls :)

It's The End Of The World As We Know It..

So, let's review: in less than a week, we have had 2 earthquakes, a tornado & a hurricane; what the flock is going here? I've seen a lot of crazy things weather-wise in my life, but this short span of meterological madness beats all; watching all the coverage of Hurricane Irene before & almost all day after the wife & I ventured out early this morning to stock up on groceries, etc., you see all the images & all the reporters getting variously soaked & nearly blown-away, & you hear all the details, you watch press conferences & updates from the Mayor & the Governor, but even now, as I hear the steady, heavy rains pelting my doors & windows, you somehow still find it hard to fathom what's happening & what's supposed to still be coming--everyone keeps saying various versions of this, to each other, on Facebook & everywhere else, but in all seriousness, we have obviously pissed off the big man upstairs (no, NOT my landlord!! LOL), because this is just some CRAZY shit; seeing & hearing about all the shutdowns of mass transit, major roads, bridges & thruways, all the evacuations (& all the people who refuse to leave their homes), as well as the afore-mentioned requisite soggy weather & news reporters & anchors, we are truly getting bitch-slapped for a litany of transgressions against the powers-that-be (I believe the technical term is "Oo-FAH!!"); and then to see that by Tuesday, the forecast is nice weather the rest of the week, well then, sure, why not?? Let's have almost- debilitating wind & rains, flooding, power outages, & widespread panic (the emotion, not the band), fear & general hysteria for 3 days, minimum--I just think that we all need to make sure we did all we could to prepare for it & deal with it & get thru it as best as we can; 1st & foremost, we're New Yorkers, dammit, & it's going to take a lot more than this (no matter how much of a test this is) to break our spirits & test our resillience; it's scary & unnerving to have to deal with the weather when it's this severe & this threatening, but we've done it before & we'll do it again; with the 10th anniversary of 9/11 (and even typing "10th anniversary", I can't believe it) exactly 2 weeks away, this doesn't come close to what we can endure, no matter how painful & devastating--and so I say Good Nite to you all & tell you to be safe & be smart--peace, my friends :)

Random Thoughts Part 2

As I wind down the nite & head to bed shortly, I just wanted to get this particular subject out of my head & onto the "page" before me; while hanging out with a couple of buddies last nite & a local establishment (one a friend of over 6 & 1/2 years & the other, one of my 2 best friends & someone I've known almost 28 years), the long-time friend, who gets up way earlier for work than I & most people I know do, mentioned he had to get going soon (we had, the 3 of us, consumed some libations, & smokes, sports on TV, & loud & rowdy patrons all-around us were involved as well--but it wasn't a bar or pub, just to make that clear); he said to the other friend "and you have to get home to your wife & Steve has to go home & blog!!"); when I said that if "I don't blog tonite, I'll just do one tomorrow", this friend of over 1/2 my life looked @ me & said "then you're not a BLOGGER, you're a POSTER"--I have to say, folks, that I was a bit insulted; have I failed to live up to the rules of the blog-o-sphere? Have I not adhered to the "Code of Blogging", or the "Tao" of it, if you will?? He insisted that bloggers blog EVERY DAY; I told him I beg to differ--I don't think I am any less a blogger than my one long-time friend who does blog every day (sometimes several times in one day) because she started doing one to co-incide with a new diet & lifestyle she was embarking on (which would mainly touch on & record her continued results & progress along the way) or my sister who, with a full-time career, a radio gig tied into her career, 2 kids, a husband, a house AND a side career as a lead singer in a rock & roll band that plays out many a gig as it has progressed, blogs when she can--when I started this endeavor, I said this may be of no interest to anyone but me; I was inspired to start a blog from the 2 very same people I just described AND, maybe in a larger sense, this same friend of 28 years who always busted my chops calling my nitely Facebook posts "blogs" (all of which I stated in my very 1st one); it's probably silly & a bit shallow to take offense to his needling me about this subject last nite, but I didn't think not writing one of these every single day precludes me from being serious about it or a real "blogger" by any means; well, I think I qualify to do this as much as anyone, if for no other reason than you basically need no qualifications to do it, just a passion of some sort, a topic to expound on, a gripe or 2 or 3 to air out, something profound to say, a poem or lyric tor a story to share or something that is almost nothing but a stream-of-consciousness from your mind that needs to be set free & see the light of day (or afternoon, or night, or...); that's MY story & I'm sticking to it--and so, I say Good Nite & I will see you the next time I feel the urge to return (when-EVER that may be)

I Feel The Earth Move Under My Feet...

Well now, don't that beat all, as the saying goes; an early afternoon earthquake yesterday that people felt all along the eastern seaboard, it seems--here at work, some of us thought we were crazy; my office mgr. thought it was a sign she was about to faint; I thought (thankfully not) that maybe I was having a bit of a medical episode of sorts; my mom in Whitestone, Queens, felt it sitting in her recliner in the den as did my aunt in Brooklyn (same circumstances); my wife, who works in Connecticut until they move her company to Queens in January, felt it & my friend, who actually lives in Virginia & works a little over 80 miles from where this seems to have originated, had to be evacuated from her office building, as did my sister out in Long Island--even at Yankee Stadium, as I watched the post-game re-cap last nite, they showed footage of the announcers area (nobody there @ the time) shaking just enough from side-to-side; crazy, I tell ya--it sure dominated all the news shows & social networks (amazing how many "Post-Earthquake Party" listings started popping up all over; my wife's cousin posted a funny picture of 4 small lawn chairs with one tipped over to show some of the "devastating damage" LOL)--also some very funny posts all around; in all seriousness, though, amazing & scary stuff & could've been a lot worse (of course, native Californians all over that state are mocking us & scoffing @ us as we speak & since this happened yesterday & rightly so; the threat of an earthquake is always the 800-pound gorilla in the room when you live there, that's for sure)--well, as I finish my lunch, just thought I'd expound less-than-profoundly on the subject--later, tomatoes :)

From "Happy" to "Sleepy" to "Grumpy" to "Dopey" (Oh, wait, those are names of dwarves, too?? Hmmm...)

Hello again--as I close out the weekend, let me explain the title of today's post: It seems that I personally ran quite the gamut of emotions & states of physical & mental being the last couple of days--it started with some plans yesterday morning that had me up a little earlier than I would've been in light of what I thought a friend of mine & I were doing (although I woke up in a good enough mood--the "happy", Part 1); the ensuing plans & the day were a lot more varied & action-packed by just mid-day; my friend & I ended up hanging out & preparing for the nite's activities a lot ealier, did a lot of errands & running around, but we did get to spend some "guy-time" together more close-to-home (the women-folk joined us in stages as the day progressed)--by the time I got home, it added up to a 16-hour day (combining the rest of the"happy"--good food, libations, some nice smokes & good company as always--with the "sleepy" by the time I got to bed, after 1:30am, including some last-minute cleaning-up from the pup, some kitchen-duty, etc.)--then this morning, I woke up in a less-than-good mood that I couldn't seem to shake all day--the "grumpy"--barely out of bed & snapping at the wife, & after some breakfast & finally getting out of the house & picking up my mom to all do some shopping & errands, I was kind-of unbearable for the most part, a lot of it in some very public places, & ended up feeling pretty bad about it--too much "sweating the small stuff" as I referenced in an earlier post, & my wife & mom bore the brunt of all that--after the mrs. & I dropped mom off & got home, I was still out-of-sorts & not right the rest of the day (hence the "dopey"part) until I made us some dinner, relaxed a bit more & put myself in a better mood to not end the day & weekend on a bad note--bottom-line, it wasn't the kind of Sunday it should've been or we all expected--I blew the "small stuff" up to ridiculous proportions (although not ALL my fault, the point is I take most of the blame)--I know I get more frustrated at some stuff than I should, but some of those closest to me have to cut me some slack sometimes as well as pick up some of the slack when I falter & maybe remember that we all do things that irk each other, but when some of those things are repetitive & happen more than they should, people do get frustrated--it has to be as much "give and take" as anything else, not just in marriage, but in all aspects of human interaction--I guess what I'm trying to say is, when I'm off on my usual tangents, & have to remember how those around me usually act & react to things, we all have to take responsibility for what we say to each other & how we treat each other, & all have to correct the nagging & negative stuff, not just expect each other to fall in line & act accordingly; none of us are perfect & human beings as a rule somehow find it easier to expect others to unpack our "emotional baggage" for us every time & be the ones to change our behaviors, not to do it ourselves...but even though, as Billy Joel sang "You're Only Human--you're SUPPOSED to make mistakes", it's nobody's job but our own to correct those mistakes & not repeat them, especially when they're at the expense of those we hold dear--just because they will always love us & vice-versa, doesn't make it right--so we have to make it right the best we can & remember that we can always do better--and on that note, I say Good Nite--peace & love, my friends :)

I Think I Can.....THINK?

So as I sit & have my lunch here at work, I ponder the following (& this actually happened last nite; I was going to post this before bed, but, well, poster-child for ADD that I can be, that was then, this is now)--I went to my local pharmacy to pick-up some of my meds & order a refill on one; I also needed to get a new supply of test strips for my blood-sugar meter--let me preface this with several pertinent facts: my wife & I generally do like the people who work in that store (give or take a few "fache brutes"--most of you know that phrase; the rest of you can look it up online!! LOL), plus it's close-to-home (3 blocks away)--the pharmacists, as a whole, are great; very helpful & one in particular has gone out of his way to help me above & beyond the norm (he's gotten on the phone with my previous insurance & battled with them several times, etc.)--anyway, when I presented our brand-new flexible-spending insurance card that goes with our new coverage (& which I just got in the mail yesterday), the one pharmacist tested the card to make sure it was activated by putting thru the box of strips I wanted (I understood that & saw him do it)--confusion reigned after that (we confused each other because I wasn't sure if I was getting the 50's or 100's, what the price was, etc.); I did make it clear that I needed & wanted the strips--after all that & adding my other purchases, he rang everything up (or so I thought)--I left, walked home & looked in the bag & lo & behold, NO STRIPS!!--if I hadn't had a detailed discussion with the guy, I could see it--now before any of you say "well, it was an honest mistake", know this: I called them, spoke to him as it happened & he explained that "Oh, well I didn't actually ring that up for you; I just did it to test the card & then refunded it--I didn't realize that you wanted them today & um, you know, I had you sign the receipt, remember?" (um, no, you had me sign so many slips, it must've "slipped" my mind!!)--luckily, as I said before, they're right up the road, so....my point in all this is, I'm bad enough memory-wise these days (& my capacity for logic is more than a bit frayed around the edges, much-less my ability to sometimes string together more than 2 lucid or interesting thoughts @ a time)--I will admit, ladies & gentlemen, that all this is nothing more than an over-flowing stream of consciousness to while away my lunch hour in place of reading the papers or magazines for once; today, you all can just call me "Mr. Mundane" (please don't tell me if most of you have to look that word up), but I do try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt that are are more with-it these days than I am; that wouldn't take much, folks, trust me :)--oh well, back to work (@ least it's Friday)--I'll be out tonite & may not get to post, so I'll say so long for now, one & all...

You Are What You Eat (And Sometimes You Feel That Way, Too)

Hello, Mr. & Mrs. America & all the ships at sea (to paraphrase the great & legendary columnist, Walter Winchell)--I only just realized this morning that I haven't blogged in days (mea culpa, mea culpa, apologies & regrets to any of you that actually care!! LOL)--just wanted to catch you all up on the past few days in general: busy, busy @ work; changes afoot (a major player leaving, & all the ramifications thereof); my dear wife has been burning the midnight oil (almost literally LAST nite; she got home, as Clapton would say "After Midnight"--much overtime this week); & last nite, while waiting & hoping that she was joining me @ a friend's BBQ locally (they had some out-of-state relatives of in), I kinda overdid it a bit with eating (at least as far as how & what I DON'T eat as much of these days); while I won't bore you with the details, & especially for the middle of the week (& because I got home much later than planned when the poor wifey was still stuck @ work with system problems/shut-downs, etc), I felt for the 1st time in a very long time that I ate out of frustration (missing my wife, her staying longer & longer @ work; they're still located in CT & not moving permamently to LIC, Queens until January--although I knew she'd hit less & less traffic the later she left, still concerned); I felt so bloated & so full (even though a mixed salad, orzo & corn-on-the-cob were served, probably having some more meats than I usually do now @ one sitting did me in), that I got home & did some exercises, drank a 20 oz bottle of water & lamented it being too late to walk or take the bike out (I only got home shortly BEFORE midnite, getting a ride home from a friend also in attendance when it was definite the wife was not making it); so glad this new nutrition program I'm starting will jump & kick-start my less-chubby-than-it-used-to-be ass into gear (and it was never the biggest part of my weight gains over the years to begin with)--I guess I was just disappointed with myself, is all; don't get me wrong, it's not like I haven't treated myself here & there over the last 9 months since I started with the changed diet, walking, exercise, etc. (everything in moderation, as they say), but I think this was (no pun intended; ok, maybe a little LOL) the real tipping point for me--I can't promise myself I won't ever feel frustrated during the upcoming 12-weeks of this new program (anytime you make changes, drastic or not, to your diet, physical make-up, etc. & then veer off the path, you want to get right back in line & move forward even stronger & more focused, especially if you're serious about those changes); it's time to put my money where my mouth is, not extra calories---until next time, friends :)

More Is Less...

Greetings, one & all, on a Monday that just hasn't been sure what it wants to do weather-wise: gray & cloudy, rainy & sunny, breezy & warm; well, as the Mamas & The Papas sang: "Monday, Monday...Can't trust that day"--so, as I alluded to in yesterday's post, I have taken the next step in my quest for better health & better living: this morning I enrolled in a 12-week nutrition program (called "De-Cluttering & Re-Shaping") at a local fitness center--let me say first of all, that I have passed this place & the adjoining gym/martial arts studio/etc. countless times on my neighborhood walks in the 2 years we have lived in this area; it's on the same block as a 24-hour food market that we frequent at least several times a week (you pretty much can get everything & anything there; I get a lot of good fruit & produce there, they have a great deli counter, fresh breads & rolls, etc., a self-serve coffee counter, you name it)--so on our way to go food-shopping last Thursday nite, we passed by & I jotted the number down & called the next day to ask about signing-up (today was actually the last day to do so)--I went there this morning & met with the lady I spoke to (a personal trainer & nutrition expert)--let me add here that when I went back to my old doctor & started this medical journey last October, one of the doctors & people he referred me to was a CDE (Certified Diabetes Educator) not far from me here in Flushing--I went twice, in November & December & was very gung-ho about keeping a food journal, charting my progress, getting weighed-in, etc.--by my 2nd visit, after beginning to adjust my diet, starting my walking regimen, cutting out my beloved stogies, I already went from my starting weight of 214 down to 210 (4 lbs in a month; not too shabby!!)--in between all this, I went to a cardiologist, had many tests done & it was determined (for those of you who DON'T know) that I would need to have a catheterization done & having one or more stents put in was a possibility because my heart was not pumping enough blood to all the vessels, to put it mildly; fast-forward to November 30th, stent  #1 to fix the worst of the blockages, stent #2 on January 11th to (luckily) fix only a 2nd one (3rd one determined to be very small & ok)--so after the 1st visit to the nutritionist (a nice-enough woman, kinda quirky but helpful), after the 1st stent, I still wanted to go to her & after the 2nd visit, I still had to wait to see when the 2nd procedure was going to be scheduled; jump to after the 2nd stent done, & I had actually lost weight both times I was in the hospital (because you are on fluids, etc. before the procedure--luckily, though they prepared me, both went through my wrist & NOT the groin--whew!! LOL--& then you have a bit to eat afterwards & a light breakfast the next morning, for me, more diabetic-themed)--and although she said she would follow-up, I never heard from this woman again, & when I called several times to make another appt., she was away once, and didn't return my call the 2nd time, so, as my wife told me & I agreed, I had already made major changes in my eating & diet, I was exercising, etc., so forget her--but back to our story; I will be keeping another food journal as of today which I will bring to the new place at the end of this week, the trainer will make notes & suggestions, I pick it up & implement them & then there is a one-time, 90-minute meeting/session of education, materials, counseling, etc. with an initial weigh-in 2 weeks from this Friday; then I will be continuing the journal & weigh-ins throughout the process--I will say the only thing I was disappointed about was that, the way this program was listed on the sandwich-board sign outside with other programs, I thought some sort of exercise regimen was included in the price (maybe some weights, stretching, whatever)--I should have realized it was so reasonable because none of that was part & parcel of this offer (and if I ever want to do any of the personalized training programs, etc., I can do so down the line)--no matter; I will continue as I have been--this will be good because from this point on, I could do even better with a more-regimented program to follow & that could only help me nutrition & eating-wise as the fall & winter months approach--either way, I'm excited about starting this next facet of my quest for a better me--& with that, I leave you until next time :)

Let's Review...

3 days since my last post; my, how time flies when you're having fun!! ;)
Hello, friends--just a re-cap of the last couple of days, since I haven't spoken to you since last Thursday: Friday nite was our mostly-usual trip to the "Veranda" as it's known (an oasis of relaxation, food, libations & laughs in front of my good friends' apartment building; we were treated to some yummy BH snacks & the BBQ skills of the Grillmaster of Flushing himself, Ralphie D. & the beers were cold as always); on Saturday, my wife & I both went to NJ for different reasons: she took her mother to a surprise 80th b'day party for a dear friend's mother (and had a great time with some folks she hadn't seen or talked to in ages), & I joined the aforementioned Ralphie D. to meet a couple of friends of his from work & do the "guy" thing @ one of the big cigar store/lounge/bar places there; we've been trying to do this for awhile, & it was well worth it--these guys are great & hilarious & just a total blast; glad we finally got to make it happen--last nite, we returned to the "Veranda", sat outside in-between the raindrops, & just ordered in (still had the cold brews--nice!!)--went out to breakfast with my Mom this morning, but couldn't go back to Jersey for an afternoon christening because of the torrential rains we've had all day; disappointing, but with reports of flooding everywhere, especially roadways & areas we'd be on or passing thru, it just wasn't worth it to drive thru all that--so, we've been just taking it easy, watching the tube, doing the FB thing, playing our games on here, etc.--can't even do any walking or ride my bike outside, so will exercise indoors, maybe do one of the on-demand cable walking videos I haven't done for awhile (I will have an update on my next phase of fitness tomorrow, folks, so stay tuned)--anyhoo, that's all the news that's fit to print for now; sorry if this post wasn't more exciting or entertaining, but they can't all be winners!! Until we meet again.....

Random Thoughts....

So as this Thursday evening comes to a close shortly, just a few things rattling around in my head to mull over: one of the recent GEICO commercials (which have thankfully scrapped focusing on the "Cavemen"; more annoying than not) starts off with that 1940's-looking & sounding pitchman asking "Can switching to GEICO really save you 15% or more on your car insurance? Do some people use smart phones to do DUMB things?"--basically, why do smart PEOPLE do dumb things? In the last 24 hours, I have been made painfully aware (as have others in an organization I am a part of for the last 6 years, one I originally was in many years ago) of a close friend of many years, maybe not a rocket scientist, but seemingly an intelligent enough human being, involving themselves in some very suspect behavior which will ultimately cause their downfall, affecting their life & career in a number of devasting ways--1st & foremost, I am truly shocked if what is being said even has an ounce of truth to it; I really don't believe this person is that stupid--but recent reported events don't paint them in a very flattering light--they have too much at stake in their lives to throw it all away like this--he has also put this organization in a bad position as well--being right there in the trenches of this emerging situation, I don't know if this will end any way but badly & it makes me sad & angry at the same time--plus, several others in the group (though not in upper levels as I have been in the past couple of years) have already been drawn into this, though not to the level that the person in question has--I have always considered myself a fairly intelligent person, but I have done enough stupid things in my life to have had many people I've known throughout my life (family & friends combined) shake their heads in disbelief or worse yet, lose all faith & respect in me, & the fact that a lot of those people are still in my lives (some I have hurt badly or disappointed time & time again, no matter how long ago it was) has everything to do with their characters & capacity for forgiveness & compassion & nothing to do with me--I have burned many a bridge in my past & had to work like Hell to gain all that back with too many people--I don't know if this person can do that at this point--and as the saying goes "more's the pity"--apparently, this has all gone down in just the last month or so, but has been brewing or had the germ of it sewn many months ago when our organizational endeavors began--I am glad I've recently begun this blog to be able to lay this out on here & vent--I have only discussed it with my wife & one other person (both are involved in this group as well), but needed to get it off my chest even more, and as anyone who has ever written poetry, musical lyrics, essays, journals, diaries, etc. will tell you, sometimes you have to see it on paper (or your computer screen or whatever) to really get your feelings out--I can't truly say this has made me feel better about the situation, but it helps in a fashion--and so, now I think I've exhausted the point & I'm exhausted as well, so I say Good Nite to you all :)

When Did THAT Happen??

Good Evening, Ladies & Gents; time to get something random off my chest--but first, a correction of sorts: in my 2nd blog, MIRACLES & SPECTACLES, I ended by emploring all of you out there to "Embrace & enjoy life the best you can, my friends--as corny as it always sounds, everything & anything can change in an instant"--well, I realize that the tone of my last blog was my lamenting to a great extent my feeling like I don't appreciate all the things I do have & should be thankful for in my life enough, & dwelling on either what I don't have, what doesn't go right, etc. (you know, the cop-out of easily picking out the negative elements in life)--if I do nothing else in this new endeavor of blogging, I must be consistent, in thoughts & words--let me just say, I think I do my best to embrace life (not always successfully, but I make the effort)--I truly am glad to be alive & to wake up every morning when not so long ago, they could've not been the case--I promise to strive for more of backing up what I say with words as well as deeds--OK, next (and lastly): I'm not sure you've all seen these yet, but I notice that on my blogs, as well as 2 others that I read, random words will be in purple and double-underlined (like a web address or e-mail)--when you click on them, you get these annoying "ArcadeWeb" pop-up boxes that are basically advertising & look like Yellow Page-type ads--where did this come from all of a sudden? Has marketing/advertising/subliminal suggestion gone too far?? Depending on the word, the pop-up refers you to a service or company that has something to do with it--it's the original "Big Brother" (the one "watching you" from George Orwell's literary masterpiece, "1984", not the reality show!!) all over again--WTF, people?? You mean to tell me we bloggers & our followers can't even go about our business without any less-than-subtle, Pavlovian (look it up if you don't know what it refers to--I'm just saying!!) prodding & poking--a friend of mine from the theater group I'm a part of (who started out as a dad bringing his daughter down to audition for shows & got sucked into the vortex that is community theater) posts on his rantings & ravings & things that get under his skin on FB under the heading "You know what grinds my gears??"--well, this would be a perfect example of what grinds mine...on that note, time to head off to bed, as I see that time has completely gotten away from me once again--until next time, dear readers :)

Let It Be...(If You Can)

Well, here we are again, my friends--I realize it's been a few days since my last post, mostly a combination of lots of activity & no real topic or thoughts of interest (to me, anyway) popping into the cavernous space that is my head--but I do have a few bits of rumination to touch on, so here goes:

One of the Beatles' most famous & enduring (as well as endearing) songs is LET IT BE--I've come to understand that the 1st verse of that timeless tune relates to me more than I ever thought it would; having obviously found my soul mate in my wife, Mary Kay, I've been thinking lately that I wouldn't be where I am in my lfe as far as having someone who is always there for me no matter what life throws at me (or us) without her; of course, one of the main parts of the wedding vows that most everyone takes is "for better or for worse, in sickness & in health"--having a routine check-up with my doctor today, now that we're back on regular benefits & coverage after a few months of idling without it, got me to thinking that after going back to my old doctor & starting up with a slew of new ones as of last October, having several heart procedures since then (with no real symptoms of such preceding them), being back on regular meds, taking more of them than ever for my various conditions, I continue to make progress in most areas, better in some than others, but overall, I'm doing OK (considering that before 10 months ago, I hadn't been on regular meds, hadn't yet changed my diet, wasn't exercising the way I am now, etc.)--but anyone who knows me well, knows that "letting it be" is not my strong suit--I should be supremely thankful that I'm alive, thankful for what I have (my wife, my family & friends, my adorable little pup; yes,a job I don't love, but in this economy, a job just the same, food on the table & a roof over my head) & I make posts on Facebook that so many other people have it so much worse than I do & I'm grateful, etc.--so why then am I not always as grateful & thankful as I should be?? Do I really appreciate the good things in my life? Why do I still complain about things or always "sweat the small stuff" as the saying goes? I truly do have it better than a lot of people in this world--sure, many of the day-to-day annoyances & problems I have are ones that everyone has these days: we all want to make more $$$, pay our bills, provide for our loved ones as best we can, get that better job, that better apartment or try to buy a house, whatever the case may be--why do I not let myself be as happy as others seem to think I am--so many people tell me my wife & I are such a great couple & we are perfect together & that we are so lucky to have found each other; I believe all that myself, but why then do I take my wife, my lover, my best friend for granted??

"When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me--speaking words of wisdom, Let It Be--and in my hour of darkness, she is standing right in front of me--speaking words of wisdom, Let It Be..."

I know married couples, no matter how happy they are, will bicker, argue, fight over big things, but most times, over a million little things that could be avoided--I guess I feel sometimes that getting married so late in life, we were more "battle-tested" & should have been more equipped to deal with all of life's little potholes & minefields--I guess I thought I'd make a better husband to the person I finally decided to share my life with--I never was the easiest person to be with in a relationship, after being lousy at it in my youth, but overall, I became a better partner, or so I thought as I got older--trying to not sweat the small stuff & get through life on your own is one thing; when another person is involved, it's a whole new ballgame--I'm a better person in some ways because of my wife, but I'm still lacking (as far as I'm concerned) in others; when, if ever, does it get easier?? I know she loves me & I love her more than life itself--learning to let go, as it were, would go a long way towards us having a better relationship in all aspects of our lives--but is it all just a form of "continuing education"? Like the line from the John Lennon song goes (and I quote it all the time), "Life is what happens to you when you're busy making other plans"---I guess I just have to realize it's all a "Long and Winding Road" and just do my best to "Let It Be".

As Time Goes By....

"Well I'm not the kind to live in the past, The years run too short and the days too fast, The things you lean on, are the things that don't last, Well it's just now and then, my line gets cast into these, Time passages There's something back here that you left behind, Oh, time passages, Buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight..." Al Stewart, TIME PASSAGES

So, continuing with the theme of times gone by, remeberances of days past, etc., tonight my wife & I, who were married just a little over 16 months ago, went out to dinner with long-time friends of ours who were celebrating their 1-year wedding anniversary (we & another couple actually went to Las Vegas with them last year for their wedding--they were married in a civil ceremony with family & several close friends a few days before that)--it got me thinking how, as much as we all tend to say it about our lives these days, time really does seem to pass more & more quickly as we all get older; add to that the fact that I just turned 50 this past April, a few weeks after my own one-year wedding anniversary, & my wife did the same this past June, and you really feel like so much of your daily lives have all of a sudden sped by in what seems like one big blur; then you think of other events that have practically caught up to the present in a flash: for example, my niece/god-daughter will turn 8 next month & her sister will be 4 in October--I feel like I was just in the hospital seeing them for the 1st time after they were born only recently; this past May marked 12 years since my father passed & my mother turned 78 this past April--how did THAT all happen already?? Add to that a photo album my mother made me for my 50th & a similar one my wife's sister did for her 50th, all the old pics bringing back a flood of memories--being a life-long lover of music & a musician myself, always synching various songs & lyrics with any & all aspects of my life, I think of Chicago's song OLD DAYS ("Good times I'll remember...")--and I have become more & more nostalgic as the years go by (not to say I'm unique; I imagine we all do it as we get older)--I think that because the world we live in is so drastically different than any of us could have imagined at this point (technological advances; global economics; the ever-changing faces & state of everything from government, education, world powers, race relations, religion, etc.; and amazingly, the approaching 10th anniversary of 9/11), & as I alluded to in my last blog about the comfort & peace-of-mind, as it were, of re-living our youth simply by posting on a Facebook page about what we remember most about coming from a certain city or neighborhood, more & more, we all need that safety-net of a piece of our past that, for better or worse, keeps us sane & maybe for just a brief moment, gives us hope--and (here comes another song lyric to make my case--LOL), as Paul McCartney sang in SILLY LOVE SONGS: "What's wrong with that?" :)

Memories.....

"Now as the years roll on
Each time we hear our favorite song
The memories come along
Older times we're missing
Spending the hours reminiscing"

Hello, all--the above verse comes to you courtesy of the Little River Band & their 1978 hit song "Reminiscing"--I bring you this because I have been doing just that with over 900 other people at last count on a barely 3-day old page on Facebook entitled "You Know You're From Flushing If..." that a woman named Alison put up--even in these days of advanced social networking, I'm still amazed at the speed at which this took off & with the number of posts (over 900 people, multiple posts by each one, it has to be over several thousand posts at least by this point!!)--it's actually been a blast (my phone blowing up, not withstanding) remembering & being reminded of all the places, stores, restaurants, schools, movie theaters, parks & any & all locations & activities of "Flushing-ites" spanning the last 40 years or so---Some of my friends were quickly already on there before me (& I got on the page the 1st day) plus I added several more--it's unbelieveable when you realize how much you remember AND how much you've forgotten (certain neighborhood people's names, which store was in which location 1st, when did this place move, when did that person pass, when did that store burn down, what was that teacher's name, you're related to him/her??, etc.)--sometimes, in the midst of all the hustle & bustle of our daily lives, all the craziness, all the aggravation, the frustrations, all the uncertainty, it's nice to revisit your youth & connect with people you don't or may not even know on FB, but who all share a common bond--so different from re-connecting with old friends, classmates, etc. the way we usually do on any of these sites--I left this woman Alison a message telling her I think what she did was terrific & thanked her for it, and I wasn't the only one; several people saw  my post & did the same--this page has already spawned at least one similar page from another Queens location & neighborhood, from what I understand (and I'm sure there are many more to come)--this whole endeavor was quite well-timed & breath of fresh air to this stagnant mind at least--like the Rolling Stones said "You Can't Always Get What You Want--But if You Try Sometimes, You FInd--You Get What You Need"---and what I need now, friends & neighbors, is sleep, so I bid you all a fond adieu--until next time :)

Good Night & Good Luck

So after some recent events & situations, I spent the better part of today ruminating on the concept & meaning of "luck"; Webster's Dictionary defines "luck" as: "(a) a force that brings good fortune or adversity, (b): the events or circumstances that operate for or against an individual; favoring chance; also : success <had great luck growing orchids>" (interesting example they chose); I bring this up because no matter what you call it (luck, karma, kismet, etc.), some, in fact many, will argue that "there is no such thing; we all make our own luck or good fortune"--and I do agree with that in principle, but with each passing day, all the different things I see in my travels & my dealings with people on a daily basis make it hard to believe that a lot of what happens in life is "divine provenance" or "just out of our hands"; too much seems to happen to people that can't always be defined as a situation where "if he/she would've only done this, or that, things would've turned out differently"-- re: yesterday's blog, if Gabby Giffords happened to be standing in a different spot or location, or was running late for that paticular event or stop, what eventually happened wouldnt've, but how could she know or change that? Was the inebriated, wheelchair-bound vet getting on my bus yesterday afternoon able, at any point in his life, to actually make different choices to have even some small modicum of good fortune come his way? Or could he have ever consciously done just one thing differently? If any one of us goes to a casino or plays cards for money, but doesn't play our usual style or game to try to change things up because we've had a bad run doing so, or play a different machine because it "feels" lucky, maybe one that we saw the person before us win on, or we sit a different way, or rub the machine, or wear some different hat or lucky charm, is that making our own luck if we start winning, or just superstition? Sitting here with the Yankee game on in the background, I think: does a batter or pitcher who is losing or doing badly & who changes his stance or delivery, wears the same hat or shirt under his jersey until his "luck" changes, then starts winning or hitting home runs, doing so because now he has "good karma", or his "luck" has changed?? I think we don't so much make our own luck as we end up in the right place at the right time & make our own success; we may catch a "lucky break" along the way, but as the saying goes "success breeds success"--also, I think another old saying has it backwards: it's not WHO you know, but WHAT you know; we make our own "breaks", by being dilligent, working hard, being tireless promoters of our own best qualities & attributes--simply put, my friends, you cannot wait for a lucky break, or wait for someone to come along & hand you anything you want in life--"to thine own self be true" should be everyone's motto everyday--even if the choices you make don't pan out, if you are confident you did what you thought was best & would make the same choice again, then it was not meant to be--I will admit I am not always the most positive of people & complain more than I should about too many things (patience is a virtue; impatience taxes that virtue, take it from me), but I try to make things happen for myself (not always successfully, but I try), not sit around & wait for it; my wife & I have had our ups & downs in many areas of our relationship & our personal & professional lives, just like anyone else; it's how we move forward & change the things we need to that will shape our future, not crystal balls, 4-leaf clovers, rabbitt's feet, charms, potions, incantations, etc. or even worse, "wishful thinking"--like the Nike ads used to say "Do it!!", or better yet, to quote the old 60's rock group Badfinger: "If you want it, here it is--COME & GET IT"

Miracles & Spectacles

Hello again, everyone--2 topics to ruminate on today: As a DJ on my favorite NY rock & roll station said earlier today, if he had to hear the phrase "debt ceiling" one more time, he would probably just pull his head right off his neck, that's how exasperated he was--however, even with all the "STURM und DRANG" (look it up, folks!!) on & over this topic & all its ramifications one way or the other, something actually came out of it to make each & every one of us pause & realize that the phrase "what doesn't kill us, maskes us stonger" has never been more true; among the "yea" votes on this bill was Democratic Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, who appeared on the House floor for the first time since January, when she was shot and critically wounded at a congressional event in her Arizona district--she is not only a true medical marvel, but is stonger than any of us could ever hope to be; I start with this to balance these thoughts out with what happened on the 1st part of my commute home today: when my bus stopped to pick up passengers right before a local hospital that recently re-modeled & expanded itself (& I assume, has or recently added or revamped recovery/assistance programs for disabled and/or wheelchair bound patients), a disheveled, middle-aged man in a wheelchair & wearing what seemed like a hospital bracelet motioned to get on--the driver did the usual obligatory business to get the mechanical ramp down from the side-door & get him in; once on, it was apparent he was not only inebriated, but in what seemed to be drink holders in both arm-rests on the chair was placed a tallboy can of beer--the poor man was so far gone in both speech (which included profanity) & manner & had trouble with everything from getting on the bus, positioning himself, understanding where to do so & that he had to be strapped in, even letting the driver know where he needed to get off the bus, plus he couldn't avoid ramming into people towards the back (including me); this got me thinking if he had just come from the hospital & received any treatment, physical or mental? He was obviously a veteran, sporting several Marine tattoos & markings, but did not seem like he could take care of himself; does he have anyone who can or to go home to? Does he reside in any kind of group home or facility? We beat a topic or debate a bill to death politically, financially, idealogically & morally, but is that person solely responsible for the state & position he was in? Did the system let him down? Do we as a society do enough in instances like these? Not everyone on the bus was sympathetic to his situation (several people changed seats immediately to avoid him, one old Asian couple spoke furiously & harshly in their language, pointing towards him & a young Latina mother with 2 small children got off the bus as soon as she could; I just turned up the volume on the Ipod & enjoyed some GREEN DAY)--we all take too much for granted in our lives, & Ms Giffords is truly lucky to be alive; the veteran is alive, but what kind of life is he actually living?? Embrace & enjoy life the best you can, my friends--as corny as it always sounds, everything & anything can change in an instant...until next time, dear readers :)

And We're Off!!!

So here we go, Ladies & Gentlemen & Children of all ages; the inaugural post on my brand-spanking-new blog; why a blog, you say??? Your nightly Facebook posts are all the "blog" anyone needs!! ;) LOL--well, that's true to a point, but I am obviously limited to a certain amount of words on the old FB (although I do like that I can make longer posts from my Blackberry)--but for anyone who has known me even for 5 minutes can tell you, and as the main title of this endeavor will attest, I am & have always been, since I formed my first utterances, a lover of the spoken word; no surprise, I started speaking at a very young age (my 1st "parlor trick" at age 3, courtesy of my parents, was reading from my father's Sunday New York Times to impress party guests, relatives & assorted visitors-at-large who passed through our home; no idea what the Hell I was reading, of course!! )--but all chop-busting from one of my two long-time best friends (who had the honor to be the 1st one to call my FB posts my "blog": "Why don't you put THAT in your blog??" "I'm sure THAT'LL be in your "blog" tonight!!") aside, the time seemed ripe & as I said on FB, I'm inspired by my sister, the Rock-n-Roll lead-singing soccer Mom herself, as well as my friend of 25 years, the eternal Gypsy Witch, Miss Mary Lee, who have taken this very task on themselves in the last few months; I can't promise that everything I say will be of interest to anyone but me, but I hope to entertain, enlighten, exasperate, enrage & engage each & every one of you who take a chance on my musings--so let's at least have some fun taking this little adventure together :) Until next time....